groanings

I can’t take my mind off of you.

Neither can all of creation; we know it has been groaning until the present time. Pastures, plateaus, plains, they groan. Mountains, they mourn.
When will come the time of rejoicing? of singing together?
We’re waiting on you–
only make us steadfast.
Spirit help us in our weakness,
with groanings too deep for words. with groanings too deep for words.

***

I’m thankful especially during a time as this that I know Jesus. I know he cares for me even if all the world fails to care. Lately I’ve felt so burdened by those in my life who have been afflicted with many afflictions, and I feel weary. Inadequate to intercede for as long and as much as I want to. Spirit help me. Help me to believe my care, my trembling, is only a sliver of the heart you harbor towards them, that you have plans for us, plans unknowable and eternally glorious. Humble us, Lord, let us not take offense when your hand is heavy upon us. It is good that you remind us we are but men, but women, but children… sinners whose righteousnesses are as filthy rags before you. Help us be still.

And draw near, God. Draw near to the oppressed, the perplexed, the broken, the bitter, the burning. Be faithful to your namesake, though we have gone astray and made you to be someone you are not. Arise and make yourself known; make me to know what it means that your grace is sufficient, that your power is made perfect in our weakness. Let these be the living and active words you breathed them to be… Spirit help us.

Let us run after your promises, for they are the only things that will remain. Though the night grow dark and the light grow dim, help us to run after your promises. O make your word to be a lamp unto our feet so that we might not slip, but stand steadfast, too. Spirit help us. You are mighty. Willing. Able. Sovereign.

and you love us. O, you love us.

2 Corinthians 4
Romans 8

 

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a song that just needs to be sung

You melt my heart. over and over and over again, oh desire. Come nearer, give me more than emotion, give me truth. You are doing something new. You are bringing joy where there was sorrow. Dancing instead of mourning. Your word is true! It is flawless, faultless, forever. Let me wake every morning to the songs of Your love for me, for humanity, sleep every night with your eyes on me. I look to You. Lockstep, lock eyes with You. Because of Your infinite kindness towards me. Jesus. Sweet name. I can’t wait to see you. Purify my heart ever more so that I may see your face… and where fear is, let faith be the fight I choose to fight. I love it, I love you, you’ve marked my heart and now I cannot go anywhere without thinking about you.

help me to believe in your love for me, that it will always surpass any love I have for you… that it is full and yet always overflowing. Jesus! whisper Jesus. sing shout Jesus. only Jesus.

confessions

I’m asking for grace to choose to believe He really loves me even now when I’m reluctant to bow low before Him and so hungry for my own glory.
But one thing I believe (God help me) is that His love is better than life. Self glorification is so fear-filled and insecure, nothing like the freedom that comes from confessing with my whole heart that He is good and I am not.

 

You really came to set me free.
You really came that I may have life and have it abundantly.
You really are the way, the truth, and the life.
Your love is truly better than life.
You discipline those who delight in.
Your love is steadfast, forever, wide, long, high, deep. And it will never fail me.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

https://banneroftruth.org/us/devotional/calvarys-anthem/

Just…

wow. Rereading my blog makes me miss intimacy with You. The dark rooms I wept in, but not the shame and the sin that led me there. The leafy gardens I danced in, but not the ignorance I held there. Lord, I know that You are good and You have taught me and grown me and changed me. You have stayed the same, but now You are bigger. More You. I thank You for that, but I’m asking that You’d bring me back to that place—the dark room, the secret garden, the singing, weeping, dancing… I want to stay close to You. Teach me to do that. Teach me to desire You every moment of every day.

Please.

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Reassurance

Woke up to a beautiful reminder and a powerful promise:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Ps 32:8)

The daily Bible verse today for many people, I’m sure, but it dropped into the edges of my tired eyes and slipped silently down my throat, sweet as honey, still flowing into the deepest parts of my spirit and soul.

Entering a new season, a new semester, I feel reassured. Reassured that He is with me always, to the very end of the age, that He will make straight my paths when I acknowledge Him in all my ways and lean not on my own understanding, that He knows me and is familiar with all my ways…

and on this quiet Sunday morning, reassured that when I awake, I am still with Him. (Ps 139:18)

Wrestling

Oh God,

There are so many eyes looking to me! I only want to look to you.
What goodness they see in me– it has always been you.
I miss the people who showed me your goodness; how much more so can I see your face in light of everyone’s absence?
For you are my lone stronghold, my refuge and my great strength.
Help me not to be afraid, for you are with me.
My hiding place. You are a lover who knows how to love well.
Keep me near. Turn my eyes to see your face, ’til all I know is death.
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.