Quote #5

“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that is how you grow.”

–Marissa Mayer

minimalist
from etsy

Learning how to let go of fear and live in freedom. Unapologetically beloved. The words sound pretty and promising, but they have been smeared and stained and soaked and built and burned with prayers, heartaches upon aches upon aches, self-doubt, small faith, sleeplessness, and the beginnings of surrender.

thank You.

Reminders for a weak heart

My eyes are dry
my faith is old
my heart is hard
my prayers are cold

And I know how
I ought to be
alive to You,
and dead to me.

Oh what can be done for an old heart like mine?
Soften it up with oil and wine.
The oil is You,
Your spirit of love… please wash me anew, in the wine of Your love.

–Keith Green, My eyes are dry

 

This has become the cry of my heart. I know He allows dry seasons in our lives, that seasons are necessary for bearing fruit. I am fearful sometimes, though, of my lack of zeal, my lack of knowledge. Am I in right-standing with God? Yet I am hopeful because I know the truth; it has been revealed to me by grace. I am eternally grateful to the one who has ransomed me. I wish to be faithful, trusting in His intentions for me so that I know He has not left me to dry up, but that in His time, I will find my ultimate satisfaction. Beyond the music, beyond the noise, beyond the hymns. Beyond words and human affirmation. Beyond myself… I wish to know Him for who He is because the more I find of Him, the deeper I fall in love.

In the midst of this spiritual desert, I wish to trust Him and be faithful. Faithful in seeking. In waiting. In giving.

I have doubts about myself. Do I have pure intentions? Am I hardened? Am I back-sliding? When I look to myself, I am filled with hopelessness because before God, even my own righteousness is far too filthy. When I look to myself, I grow arrogant if I feel I am doing well in the eyes of man. When I look to myself, I do not see Jesus.

But when I look to Christ, I am reminded… reminded of the truth. And the truth is this: God is faithful in every season.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Ps 27:14)